Yes, I would love to buy some snail snot!!

Yes, I would love to buy some snail snot!!

Now , I love Snail Gel just as much as the next person but I can’t honestly help but feel that vigorously applying snot to my face will improve my skin quality. It’s like the people who drink their urine because it also helps with natural oils. I’m sorry, but 10 000 years ago that may have been oddly acceptable amongst your fellow Neanderthals but here in the 21st Century we do pee in toilets and we use face products that have mostly been made without animal testing. However, just because you can does NOT mean you should use snail snot and drink your own bodily fluid.

I saw an advert for Celltone this morning, one of the big brands in Snail Byproducts. The ironic thing is this: How many Snail Products do you own? Even more thought provoking, How many brands do you know of that actually sell snail snot? Now I call it snail snot, simply because ‘Snot’ is highly unattractive and to be honest, Snails are not exactly the kind of things that one would call cute and or fluffy.

I honestly can’t see that applying a snails excrement on my skin will make me feel any better. Think about it this way; [Scene]: You’re sitting outside at this beautiful French Cafe. You’re wearing the most feminine canvas trousers, a white flowing blouse and a crisp white blazer and the most killer 6 inch Red Heels with a Paisley scarf. You’re feeling radiant and fresh. You’ve ordered your favourite beverage, a cappuccino, and you’re sitting alone. You have no where else to be and so you relish every second of this experience. The sun is out, the Cafe has a delightful atmosphere. It’s buzzing with activity. Couples sharing a moment, young, old, partners or just lovers. The moment has been shared by many. You savour each and every sip, feeling the emotion behind the flavour. You glance out to the streets and the sun beating upon your face, you see a silhouette of a man approach you. He asks to join you for coffee and you decide to entertain the idea. He’s tall, human perfection with Dark hair and green eyes. He introduces himself in French, “Bonjour, mon nom est Jacques. Puis-je vous joindre?”, and you say yes of course, because you have no idea  was he’s rambling on about but he seems ok. Based on his very fortunate score of genes and impeccable taste in designer fashion, you agree to let him join you. Him, being exceptionally good-looking and confident that he can take you to bed and possibly make a very public statement then and there, he lifts his hand and reaches for your cheek in hope of brushing your hair back and expecting soft and silky skin. INSTEAD! He gets his fingers stuck to your hair, the snail snot never absorbed through your pores and he finds his fingers covered in the most unromantic of substances.

Now let’s be honest. Would you still apply Snail Snot to your face if your chances of meeting a dashing French womanizer were that good?


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