We’re all headed into that final stretch of the year. That, “OMF! If I don’t take leave between now and December I am going to lose my shit.” If it happens to be that you’re in the fire-line, then I really do apologise. It’s not personal.
The year has roughed me up six-love and with no leave, I can only blame myself. The thing is, there was never a good time and if I’m dead honest, there never will be. Being too concerned about how your leave may or may not affect others is admirable but not wise.
The last few months have not been easy but I haven’t entirely been on my own. I’m proud to say that I have worked alongside some amazing people in the social game but up-to-date, Coomer has been my hero. I hold her up to a great standard because I aspire to be even half the woman she is and she may joke about me taking “a leaf” but what she doesn’t know is that I already have. The way she conducts herself, not only in a professional capacity but in her personal capacity is flawless and she exudes the greatest level of class. I guess that being a pedigree has it’s benefits. Above all that, I’ve had the honour of working beside her for the last year. We’ve affectionately named our duo, #TeamNK. I guess, more than anything, it was to keep up morale. Over the past year, we’ve been the two “Fixers”. We come in, sort shit out, work ourselves to the bone and then forget to actually enjoy what we love doing most.
Three milestones have happened within the last year: Coomer was promoted to Social AD, I was promoted to SM both under a year and #TeamNK celebrated their first work-aversary. As much as all three of those things were positive it came with a pretty gloomy result… The split of #TeamNK. Although we both knew this to be inevitable, I was already withdrawing from Coomer. The team dynamic turned to shit and I just became a miserable bitch. All my fault really. By this time, we were managing roughly five high priority accounts at any given time and the pressure was on. I was travelling, Coomer was travelling, I felt as though my accounts were slipping through the cracks and it was my fault. This year has been filled with heartbreak, loss, pain, friendships, growth and memories but it’s a strange thing being human as we always seem to focus on the downers of life rather than remember the positives.
To celebrate #TeamNK’s milestone, I had a little surprise planned for Coomer on the Monday morning… I knew she had an 8a.m meeting and wouldn’t be back until later so on the Sunday, the day before, I did all the prep. The end result was amazing! It still surprises me that nobody had gone to these lengths before in our office. I thought she’d be pissed but luckily she was alright with it. This can basically sum-up our understanding of each other… Also, it may seem cruel considering we’ve both been in a pretty shit head space the past few months but wasn’t all in spite. I admit, that a big part of me wrapped her desk because I was being childish but then seeing the finished product was totally worth it and in turn for being malicious I still gave her something she could use…
Needless to say, I’ve been taking the split of #TeamNK pretty hard. I think, more than anything, it’s because I feel like I’ve been left again. Although, I know that Coomer has not left me, she has a new role which requires new responsibilities but that still doesn’t make the situation any better. I’m her biggest fan and there is nobody who is more deserving of this promotion than her, it just came with such a price.
So apart from me being excruciatingly painful to be around lately (of which I know), I decided that I needed to break away before I broke down…
After not a lot of consideration and very little fucks, I called up Robyn and invited her over for tea. I needed tea and a chat with my best mate. The one person that would dress up in drag for me, drive me to the airport in a hail storm and buy McDs even though she may be vegetarian. I had to make a quick stop at the office that Saturday morning and on the way I was itching to just break away from the hustle of Jo’burg life. Sometimes it can get too much. The constant rush and pace of life in the city can consume you and sometimes the best cure is a little razzle outta town!
When Robyn arrived, we caught up, had a cuppa and I spilled the beans. “I made the decision to take a roadtrip this morning and then decided my petrol tank would hate me.” Robyn, being the amazing person she is, switched off the TV, locked my doors and told me to get dressed. Not more than five minutes later, we were headed out to nowhere. No destination, just the road.
We landed up taking a drive out to Harties, just 20 minutes out of Jo’burg to the dam. The plan was sundowners but it turned into Wimpy Burgers and coffee. After a few laughs and a good two hours out of town, we chased the sunset back to the dam bridge. Not the DAMN BRIDGE! Just the dam bridge.
There’s nothing nothing that a little fresh air and Fleetwood Mac can’t solve but I know that the high was only temporary. It’s great for the short term fix but I’m desperate need of something substantial. This last week, has had me twisted. Everyone has booked their leave and I’m stuck. Confined only by the work I have not completed. I can tell that breaking point has been reached and the only way to recover is to march on, get up, get dressed and soldier up the mountain each day. I found myself in tears but for no apparent reason other than exhaustion. Both my mind and body can’t relax and if I find myself enjoying just a second of paradise I can feel the anxiety creeping in to engulf any doubt that I have.
More than all of this, I have not written this to bitch, moan or complain about anyone else but myself. I know I’m difficult at times and the reason I withdraw more than anything, is because I don’t feel that people could be bothered. I remember my Ouma telling me as a kid, “Cry about it now. Cry it all out. Then wipe away the tears and move on.” She reminded me about this even as an adult just before she passed away a few years ago. Then again, she didn’t particularly like me very much.
So… Now it’s time to move on, have a holiday between now and December before I politely dismember someone and begin the countdown to England.